Blood, sweat and tears. Exhausting yet satisfying. More than the physical struggle, my breastfeeding journey was an emotional one.
Rio was born premature so common breastfeeding rules didn’t apply to us. Majority of breastfeeding moms can start pumping milk during their 6th week mark into breastfeeding. But for me, I started pumping milk right after I gave birth because Rio couldn’t suck during his first few days and he’s still in an incubator. My early pumping resulted to an oversupply.
My journey was amusing. Childbirth left me tired, exhausted and weak. I just wanted to sleep. But I couldn’t do that because I need to produce milk for Rio. I was clueless. My breasts hurt.
It was a feeling I never felt before. It was like having a swollen wound times ten. It was weird and it was something I’m not prepared to do. Because Rio came out early, the breast pump was one of the things that I wasn’t able to prepare. Good thing the hospital loaned me one for the first few days.
Having a baby was just one of the many changes in my life. Everything changed, from my bra size to my sleeping time, what I ate, what I felt, how I looked. Everything.
Bra size – increased to two cup sizes and for me, it was one of the positive effects of breastfeeding. Hahaha!
What I ate – Rio was exclusively breastfed so it’s a must to eat healthy food; green, leafy veggies, fruits, and lots of fluids. It was not a problem for me because I really love eating fruits and vegetables. I just increased my intake.
What I felt – my emotions affected my milk supply. Whenever I felt sad and low, my milk supply decreased. Whenever I’m happy and very positive, my milk supply increased. So, yeah, there was no room for sadness when breastfeeding.
How I looked – I changed my wardrobe from normal clothes to breastfeeding friendly clothes and it was not as easy as it sounds. I bought breastfeeding clothes almost every week. I couldn’t go out without wearing nursing pads because of leaks. Rio didn’t want to be covered when breastfeeding so using a nursing cover was a no-no for us. And nursing covers were actually a big hassle, they were bulky and it did get hot for Rio inside the cover.
On the other hand, Rio’s health affected my breastmilk color and consistency too; a more yellowish and more condensed whenever Rio was sick. There were also times that it turned blue, green, white, and pink (with blood from the wounded nipple).
On my first month, I cried every single time I need to pump milk. Everything was new to me. Milk leaked from my breasts straight to the floor. Sometimes in a squirting fashion 😎. Milk was everywhere. I was half-naked the whole day. I fed Rio every hour so I only had an hour to sleep or none at all.
Aside from Rio’s feeding time, I expressed milk four times a day. It was hard. Getting enough sleep was a luxury that I couldn’t afford.
Aji and I even tried to do shifting. 11pm – 3am was Aji’s shift to feed Rio but he cries every time I’m not the one holding him.
Dada doesn’t know what to do anymore.
This went on until Rio was about 5 months old when I finally tried the side lying position. This breastfeeding position is not suitable for premature babies so it took me a while to try it.
Few months into breastfeeding I experienced one of the painful parts of it, and that was when my nipples got wounded, there were blood and blisters all around. On a normal day, when you have a wound you just cover it with a band aid or let it dry and heal on its own. But when you breastfeed, you couldn’t do that. So yes, I breastfed Rio even if my nipples hurt.
Breastfeeding was a healthier option but it required a lot of hard work and dedication from me. Since I spent most of the time breastfeeding, it meant more time for online shopping while I waited for Rio to fall asleep. So I wouldn’t say it was a cheaper option though. 😂
Nothing stopped me from feeding him especially when I saw him gaining weight and showing his drunk face every after feeding session.
It made me very emotional every time he fell asleep.
Then when Rio started teething, he spent the first few seconds biting my nipple. And it was so painful. I told him not to bite me. I told him to bite his Dada instead. He always did and it made me very happy. 😁
I breastfed Rio anytime, anywhere.
It was a convenient way of feeding him. We didn’t need to bring tons of bottles, water, formula milk aside from the usual diaper, wipes, and extra clothes.
We used breastfeeding stations if available.
If not, dressing rooms would do.
But if it’s still not available, I breastfed anywhere.
Most of the time, it was more convenient to just look for a chair or somewhere to sit instead of going to the designated stations.
I really didn’t care what other people think when they see me feeding Rio.
There were a lot stares and judgmental looks but these didn’t stop me from doing what’s best for my son.
Our breastfeeding journey lasted for sixteen months. I stopped when I got hospitalized due to GERD. My doctor needed to treat me with stronger medicine so I stopped breastfeeding. Rio cried and cried that night. The next night he just hugged my breasts and fell asleep. It was heartbreaking to see him like that but it was for the best.
It took roughly eight months for my milk to completely go away.
Still a happy and healthy baby indeed! He never had a fever whenever he got vaccinated nor when teething.
I shifted from breast milk to formula milk. He was not a fan of it but got used to it after a few months.
Now, he’s two years old and he stopped drinking formula milk already. He wants fresh milk, fruit shakes and cheese instead. 😜
Breastfeeding is an intimate act that we shared and I look forward to experience this rollercoaster ride again with our next baby. 👶
